What is negotiation in self-defense?

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Is negotiation part of self-defense?

Yes and the first thing to understand is that, in any self-defense scenario, the real meaning of “prevailing” is to preserve life, no matter how (read Personal defense: the S.A.F.E. method):

Escaping
Fighting
Using negotiation skills
…

Note – This article has been asked by one of our Core Course practitioners on Patreon (see how to attend our home study classes here Learn Kung Fu online: a beginner-to-expert course).

What does really mean to be able to negotiate? An example

Let’s make the example of a quarrel which is about to turn into a fight, we must substantially know:

How to remain calm and focused on our primary goal (survive, us and the people who are with us)
How to put pride aside (to organize calm, simple and effective communication, no matter what is said or done)
How to give a dignified escape route to our potential aggressor (self-defense has nothing to do with discretely rebalancing wrongs or supposed wrongs)

A note by Master Kongling – Is it easy to do this? Absolutely not (in these cases, the first obstacle is not who threatens us but our own mental weakness). Are there more effective or safer ways? No and anyone who tells you otherwise, is likely to fall into one of these 3 categories: a person who doesn’t have the slightest experience in self-defense, someone who doesn’t even have the precise knowledge of the possible consequences or an idiot (prisons are full of these figures, read Best martial arts for self-defense).

What truly is negotiation?

Negotiation is not:

An attempt to assert our reasons or force the person in front of us to admit their mistake (this is called arguing and it only increases the escalation towards physical confrontation)
A direct attempt to threaten or boast of serious consequences with little credibility (this practically never works because those who put themselves in a position to attack us, in most cases think, rightly or wrongly, that they can afford to do so, read also Sudden aggressions: the disadvantage of self-defense)
An unconditional surrender to the demands of an attacker (we only give what has no value but in the meantime, we exploit the time factor, rationality and above all deception)
A substitute for prevention (it is extremely stupid to think that you are so much smarter than others that you can prevail in any situation using only your cunning)
Always and automatically the right substitute for a physical reaction (escaping or engaging; let’s imagine the most dynamic contexts, those in which there is a linguistic difficulty, those against non-rational aggressors, etc.)
…

Negotiation can be:

An effective attempt to save our life (by interrupting, slowing down or inverting the escalation into violence)
A simple but very indirect way to make the potential aggressor (independently) understand what real consequences is going to face (all without ever trying to threaten, lie or humiliate whoever is in front of us)
A nonviolent agreement that is always in our favor (even if we decide to give what we have in our wallet, we are in any case buying an incredibly precious thing at a very low price, our life; in addition to this we also get for free a lesson on how to prevent the same situation from happening again)
A way to let pass as much time as possible (time is almost always a friend of victims and an enemy of potential aggressors)
A way to give time to those who threaten us to calm down and rationalize the mistake they are about to make (in many cases, it is enough to let that brief moment of anger pass, read for example Self-defense: aggression in front of a supermarket)
…

A note by Master Kongling – Negotiating doesn’t necessarily mean that we don’t consider ourselves in a position to prevail from a physical point of view, it rather means wanting to preserve everyone’s safety. A true warrior (read Fighter VS warrior: the differences) is totally detached from the fighting scenario, he / she is ready to do whatever is necessary but always aims to cause as little damage as possible. We must understand that this is the right philosophy, if not out of nobility at least out of convenience.

How to learn negotiation?

This is a good starting point: /// Subscribe (it's free!) or Login to see this content ///.

In-depth video courses

Mind self-control hacks – How to improve performance and control of our brain
Self-defense: not violent self-preservation – A course about everything that is possible to do without recurring to violence
Self-defense basics: how to – The fundamental preparation for self-defense (our full path)

In-depth articles

The 3 alerts of a Shaolin monk – When the ancient Shaolin monks were allowed to react to an attack
The 6DKF’s diagram about the use of violence – The strenuous level of discipline of an expert practitioner

Questions

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Have you ever been attacked?

Author: Master Kongling

Founder of 6 Dragons Kung Fu.

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